For that healthy after-birth shine every woman longs for...

Another stop I made tonight along the procrastination highway was a quick trip to my local CVS to pick up some shampoo. I don't like the shampoo I have right now so I spent some serious time on the shampoo aisle researching my options. You know the classic, "this one gives your hair body but it doesn't protect color/this one protects color but weighs your hair down/this one gives your hair body and protects color but costs $20" dilemma. So hard.

Anyway, while perusing I came across this bottle:



Which got me thinking. We've got a lot of problems in this country of ours: lack of affordable health care, the bursting of a housing bubble, wars, credit crunches, inflation then deflation, governors who sell senate seats, and the list goes on... But, is it possible that all these very serious issues are the result of a deeper problem with America in general (and free market capitalism specifically)? Namely, that people can make money selling a product called Placenta Shampoo. PLACENTA SHAMPOO!!??

Which got me thinking about simple economics. Someone gets a paycheck, pays for their kids' college tuition, and buys groceries every week because they work for a company that makes money selling Placenta Shampoo. The company makes money because people buy Placenta Shampoo. Just think, someone somewhere gets up every morning and washes their hair with Placenta Shampoo. Now, while I didn't take the time in CVS to check the ingredients listed on the back of the bottle, I'm pretty sure there are no actual human placentas (placentae?) in this shampoo. Still, the name itself is bad enough. You'd have to be crazy to pick it up off the shelf. And if you're crazy enough to buy Placenta Shampoo, you probably also bought a house you couldn't afford and ran up credit card debt so high that now you are broke because you defaulted on your mortgage and can't pay your bills. Which means you can no longer afford the finer things in life (i.e. Placenta Shampoo). Which means the poor factory worker at Placenta Shampoos Inc. loses his job and can no longer pay his kids' college tuition.

Which leads me to two conclusions: #1. Our economy is in shambles because some idiot somewhere washes his/her hair in Placenta Shampoo every day. And #2. The worst dating scenario you could possibly encounter in life would be to go to the bathroom in your date's apartment or house and spot a bottle Placenta Shampoo in their shower. It's what one might call a "red flag."